It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I've posted, and I guess you could say I have a lot to catch up on. Today, as I sat at my desk at work and listened to multiple messages preached by Pastor Greg Laurie (one of my most favorite people in the world!) I began to realize that I've turned my back on everything I believed in. Every morning, growing up, I would brush my teeth day and night and read the "Footprints" poem on our bathroom wall. I admired it for at least 3 minutes a day, everyday, for 18 years of my life. (Okay maybe not 18, I couldn't read it until I was at least 7 or 8) Maybe I didn't turn my back on God because I was constantly reminded during my 1 minute and 30 second ritual that he would carry me through the bad times. But lately I've found myself astray. Things keep happening to me and I keep asking myself "why?!" when I should have been asking God.

It all hit me like a ton of bricks as I was sitting here listening. My life is falling apart. But why? Because I've wandered astray. I don't listen. I've become too busy to try to listen. But most importantly, I'm too scared to listen. Between Greg's uncle's passing, possible endometriosis, and now pre-cancerous cells found on my cervix, I found myself running away from my problems. Why run away? I'm going to have to face them sooner or later. I've avoided working out because that's my time to clear my head and think. I didn't want to think. It was during these times that I needed to be carried, but me, being stubborn ole me, I refused. I thought I could do it on my own. Well, today I was reawakened. I'm so naive to think that I'm strong enough to handle this on my own.

So as Thanksgiving rolls around in less than 24 hours, I've realized the things that I should be thankful for. Thankful that God loves me no matter what and will always be looking for the wandering sheep. I personally think he needs to smack me around sometimes, but for some reason he doesn't haha. I'm thankful for my family and all of their support. For Greg, that tries to be sympathetic even though he has no idea what I'm going through. He does everything he can to try to provide for me and comfort me. He has truly been a gift. And for friends, that even though some of them may have no idea that the meaningless chit chat could mean so much...it does. It's kept me sane for the past month. It's kept the tears from flowing, the panic from overwhelming me, and the pain from devastating my life. Although I cannot rely on friends and family alone, I'm so thankful that they're there with me no matter what. So, thank you! I've truly been blessed this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!