The Past is the Past

Lately I've found myself not being able to sleep well. I'm having very odd dreams. I realized last night that it was this time last year that Greg and I met. It was the most confusing part of my life. Having a boyfriend but having this odd connection to a complete stranger. How could someone that doesn't even know me be nicer to me than my own boyfriend!?

Well, we all know how that turned out! But here's the kicker. Lately I've been thinking about Chad. I don't know why. He meant so much to me, and honestly he still does. I hate to say it, but it's true. I do, in fact, still love him. He was my best friend. But the feelings were not shared. I'm not sure why all of these thoughts are coming to my attention now and not a year ago, but I truly miss him and some of the times we shared together. That's when I need to say, what's in the past is in the past. I just don't understand how I can have the best guy in the world and be thinking about someone that made my life completely miserable. So I think I need to see a therapist. Ever since Chad and I dated, I have hated myself and have had absolutely no self-esteem. He made me feel like an ugly, worthless person about 75% of the time. How can you miss someone like that!? Why is it that even through all of the bad times that you have with someone, after they're gone, you only remember the good. Why can't you just remember the good times with someone and not the bad? Why are we built that way? I just don't understand. I am still incredibly thankful that I found Greg because this has been the happiest year of my life. But sometimes I think about Chad. I would be married right now. I often wonder if I could have been happy. Now that I know what it really means to be truly happy, could I ever think of going back? Not a chance. The past is the past, and that's all there is to it. I just have to keep moving on with my life and never look back.