Thursday, December 11, 2008
Worries
Lately I've found myself extremely anxious. I lay in bed and my mind is still going 200 mph. I worry. I worry a lot. I get it from my grandma Elly. Thanks grandma. haha I worry about money when it comes to building my own home here in the near future and planning a wedding. Can I do both and still make it? I worry about my health. I worry about the results I'll be getting back on Monday. I worry about Greg and his job. I worry that I won't be able to lose enough weight for my wedding. I worry that the more Greg is with me the less he will love me and maybe get tired of putting up with me (silly, I know). So as I sit here and worry, I listened to a message from Pastor Greg Laurie on his Podcast. To worry is to lose faith in God. Sometimes I forget that I don't have to walk this scary lonesome road on my own. So as I sit here and worry, I don't need to worry, I need to have faith. Hopefully I'll rest easier tonight.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A Time to Vent
Okay, I need to vent. I've had enough of today. Nothing is going my way, I'm breaking things, making messes, keep getting interrupted...UGH! I have too much on my mind today.
After my mishap last night, it got me thinking about the test results. After the surgery that was the one thing I feared most. What would the test results say. The doctor told me that there was one that was definitely abnormal but it didn't look malignant to her. Good news I guess. But I still have to worry about what type I have and how far along it had progressed. Will I have to have another surgery? Good lord I hope not. Everytime I think about it, I get a knot in my stomach, my face gets flushed and panic suffocates me. I'm 22 and having to stress about cervical cancer. Not only cervical cancer but also watching for melanoma and endometriosis. Seriously?! Sometimes I just want to crawl in bed and not come out for days on end. I guess I know how I got diagnosed with depression the first time. Through all of this I've learned that even though it seems that everything can go wrong, it's all for a reason. God will work it out through his own plan and I just have to trust him. It sucks. I hate not being in control. I guess that's the point of faith, right?
After my mishap last night, it got me thinking about the test results. After the surgery that was the one thing I feared most. What would the test results say. The doctor told me that there was one that was definitely abnormal but it didn't look malignant to her. Good news I guess. But I still have to worry about what type I have and how far along it had progressed. Will I have to have another surgery? Good lord I hope not. Everytime I think about it, I get a knot in my stomach, my face gets flushed and panic suffocates me. I'm 22 and having to stress about cervical cancer. Not only cervical cancer but also watching for melanoma and endometriosis. Seriously?! Sometimes I just want to crawl in bed and not come out for days on end. I guess I know how I got diagnosed with depression the first time. Through all of this I've learned that even though it seems that everything can go wrong, it's all for a reason. God will work it out through his own plan and I just have to trust him. It sucks. I hate not being in control. I guess that's the point of faith, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
